When I became a Christian, I started at a Church of England church and I had a few challenges working out what being a Christian meant for me and how that was going to look practically. The church was fairly ‘white, middle class’ which was far from the way I had grown up, which was in multi cultural working class area’s. I began looking at my likes and tastes in fashion, music, social activities and guys.
I was at church for about 6 months before I became a Christian because it was all so foreign for me and I was trying to work out how I fit into this ‘Christian mould’. To be like the Christians around me. This was not what I needed to do but it took some time to figure this out.
I was single when I became a Christian and stayed that way for a few years after. I think this was massively beneficial to me as I worked out this massive change that had taken place in my life. Being able to work this out without having to take into account a partner helped, it really did.
I looked around the church I was at, the friends I was making & my ever expanding social circle. I was being introduced to the single guys, noting that none of them were my type, none of them had a background like mine. And of course, opposites attract and all that jazz but there has to be something there. A spark, a common ground, something. But there wasn’t.
As I journeyed in my faith, it was like a whole new world opened up right before me that I never knew existed. Christian festivals, music, events, books, films – it was incredible. This also meant I was beginning to meet more people.
I began to meet Christians who had grown up similarly to me, in similar areas, who ‘got me’, who told me about music I could listen to or speakers I would be interested in listening to. I began to meet guys that I could see a potential with.
I had thought if I really wanted to get married that I was going to have to be with someone who just didn’t get me, and really put aside the things I was hoping & praying for in a guy. I’m not talking about simple compromise, or trying to tick those ‘boxes’ , but genuinely not finding someone who I was passionately and madly in love with, that I couldn’t wait to spend the rest of my life with.
Just because you meet someone who shares your faith and beliefs, doesn’t mean you are meant to be together. It doesn’t mean there will be an attraction or spark. It also doesn’t mean they are the one for you. I’ve been in some bad relationships in the past and as I only wanted to get married once, the conclusion I was coming to, was I would rather stay single, than get it wrong and be with someone that I wasn’t meant to be with. I wanted to feel that connection but also have that understanding of who I had been before Christ and the life I had come from, that was really important to me. They needed to ‘get it’.
So, when I began meeting guys that I really got on with and was even attracted too, I felt more hopeful! Along the way. I was realising that God wasn’t trying to change me into that ‘Christian mould’ I had first tried to fit. He had created me a certain way. Which meant I didn’t have to put aside the way He had created me but actually embrace it and let Him mould me into the person He had created me to be.
If you have been following me, then you will know that I got married last year (Oct 2019). I married a guy who really is my type and best of all is a Christian. He is unashamed of his faith and we have soooooo much in common AND I am 100% attracted to him!! I actually can’t believe how much God blessed me with my husband, I don’t feel I had to put anything aside in terms of what I was looking for. We really are on the same page when it comes to our faith and following God’s plan for our lives. We have grown up pretty similarly, both from Manchester and have many, many mutual friends. We have been a Christian for a similar length of time and even got baptised a week apart (we didn’t know each other then!).
I didn’t meet him until 5 years after I became a Christian, but God gave me more than I ever could have imagined with him. It took longer than I had hoped to meet him, but God’s timing is best and who knows if we had met earlier it may not have worked. I am passionately, madly in love with him and I am glad I held on and trusted God.
So, if you are waiting to find a partner or even worried that surely you can’t meet a fellow Christian that you could spend the rest of your life with, then I would say just hold on. I know it’s hard, waiting (I’ve been there!), but God knows your heart. And if that is His plan for your life, then it will happen in His timing. He wants the best for you and it will be better than you could have ever imagined!
Love, Amber x