Today, April 15th, is my birthday. This April is also twelve years since I became a Christian. Twelve years since Jesus became real to me and since then a lot of things have happened. I wanted to reflect on twelve things I have experienced over that duration that have made my life better.

1. Hope

Before 2012 hope was something I didn’t have or feel in my life. I would wake up filled with dread at what the day would hold. Another day of the same. Once I started that journey with God, reading my bible and praying, I began to feel excited every day I woke up. I had hope and still do. One thing I love about my relationship with God is that how I am today, isn’t how I will be in a year or two or three. God is continuously working on me from the inside out, chipping away at things that don’t look like Him and shaping me to become more like Jesus, who was perfect without sin. That is exciting!

But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint

Isaiah 40:31

2. Loving Father

I didn’t grow up with a father in my life. I had several stepdads but none that I would call dad. I didn’t know what it was to have a father’s love which affected the way I lived, how I related to men, and the decisions I made. One of the early things I began to discover about God was that he was a loving father and that his love for me was unconditional which blew my mind. I felt I had disappointed my dad, who traced me around 2008. We had a little bit of contact, but the relationship felt strained and difficult, and I felt I had made too many choices in my life that he wasn’t pleased with. Now I had God, a father who loved me for who I was and that changed a lot of things for me.

Father of the Fatherless and protector of the widows is God in his holy habitation.

Psalm 68:5

3. Self-Worth

Having struggled with self-worth almost all of my adult life, I now have a God who tells me I was worth the sacrifice he had made by sending his only son Jesus to this world. It wasn’t an easy transition, going from hating myself to learning to love myself and see myself as God did, but it was an amazing discovery. I began to see myself as worthy of being treated well, of setting boundaries that I was made in God’s image and he saw me as being wonderful. I wasn’t a mistake. This helped to lift me out of the depression I had struggled with for most of my life.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well!

Psalm 139:14

4. Coping Mechanisms

For most of my adult life, my coping mechanisms had been alcohol, drugs, sex, and prescription medication. Whenever things were difficult, I would find a way to block it out and numb the pain for it to come back tenfold later in the week because all of those mechanisms bar prescription medication had very short-lived highs. In the last twelve years I have found new ways to cope with challenging times – prayer, praise, reading my bible, and fellowship with my fellow Christians are some of my choice mechanisms. They help me face the challenges head on rather than bury my head and run away from them. I know I can share my burdens with God, and he will always help me.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Philippians 4:6-8

5. Stopped Swearing

This was something that happened quite early on in my faith walk but it wasn’t something I had intentionally prayed about or even thought about. Before I became a Christian, I would swear a lot, as I always had done. Then one day I simply noticed I wasn’t doing it anymore, granted I was spending the majority of my time with other Christians who also were not swearing but it fell away quite easily. Swearing didn’t make me feel good, and I was glad it’s not something I do anymore. There are a lot of verses in the bible regarding what comes out of our mouths and I think it is important to be mindful of that.

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

Ephesians 4:29

6. Changed what I listen to and watch

I’m a big fan of music and films. Music has played a big part in my life, but as I sought God more, I began to feel uncomfortable listening to the lyrics that I normally sang along. Lyrics about sex, drugs, alcohol, swearing, basically glorifying everything that I was now walking away from. Similar with films, I no longer wanted to watch films with sex scenes or those that glorified the scene I was trying to turn away from. My desires began to change for things that would lift me up and have a positive effect on me. I disposed of a lot of my CDs and for a while struggled with music as I had no alternative but the music that was sung in my church which was not what I enjoyed listening to at home. It wasn’t until I met a Christian rapper who pointed me in the direction of artists who made music in the genres I loved but with lyrics that glorified God that I was able to enjoy music again.

All things are lawful for me,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful for me,” but I will not be dominated by anything.

1 Corinthians 6: 12

7. Stopped Drinking & Taking Drugs

The drug taking stopped pretty soon after I became a Christian, not immediately I must admit as I am sure there were a couple of social events that I attended very early on where they were present. But the drugs stopped much earlier than the alcohol. I would say for a year or even two after I would drink socially with my church friends. This was a confusing thing for me as alcohol held bad memories for me, I usually drank to get drunk and have confidence. During these social gatherings, I wouldn’t drink anywhere near that level, just a few social drinks but it made me feel uncomfortable and I felt I was doing it because everyone else was. Now my first thoughts were that Christians didn’t drink, this was why it felt confusing for me as here I was with these new Christian friends, and there was alcohol at most social gatherings. I would look around thinking how much are they drinking? Are they tipsy? Are they drunk? Everyone’s threshold was different, how could they monitor it? I eventually made the decision that I didn’t want to drink no matter what everyone around me was doing, so I stopped. I’m now at a church that has an outreach to addicts and many of the leaders are ex-addicts so there is a culture of no alcohol which makes me feel much more relaxed as I don’t like being around alcohol or people drinking it. It brings back too many memories of the past and it’s helpful for me to stay away from it.

For you have spent enough time in the past doing what pagans choose to do—living in debauchery, lust, drunkenness, orgies, carousing and detestable idolatry.

1 Peter 4:3

8. Forgiveness

This is the thing I was searching for the most. I needed God to forgive me for the things I had done, there was this desperate need deep down inside of me. I knew I was unable to forgive myself for those things until God had forgiven me. Now, when I became a Christian part of that prayer was asking God to forgive me and according to His word (the bible) if I was truly repentant then I was forgiven but unfortunately being human I couldn’t believe that straight away. It took about five years until I truly felt forgiven and free from those things that had been weighing down on me. This isn’t always the case for everyone, our relationship with God is a very personal one, and no two journies are the same. But once I truly understood and accepted that forgiveness I felt much lighter.

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

1 John 1:9

9. Boundaries

This may seem like an odd one but I finally learnt to have boundaries in my life. Once I had realised my self-esteem and self-worth, I began to see areas of my life where I had no boundaries when I didn’t see myself as worthy. I realised that I needed to begin with relationship boundaries, who had access to me? I knew straight away I needed to spend some time alone as I discovered who this new me was which meant men were off limits and that lasted for 4-5 years. I discovered that God had a purpose for my life so that meant I had to put boundaries around my time and what I said yes or no to, including my social time. Putting these boundaries in gave me a sense of strength, for the first time in my life I was back in charge of things with the guidance of God, He was empowering me to make decisions that were all part of the bigger purpose he had for my life. I no longer had to accept being treated like I was anything less than a child of God, a daughter of a King. These boundaries were being put in place so God could protect me.

And I will be to her a wall of fire all around, declares the Lord, and I will be the glory in her midst.

Zechariah 2:5

10. Marriage

This one may not be for everyone, so I am not saying when you become a Christian this will be your portion, as it’s not for everyone. I was one of those little girls who dreamed about her big day, wanting a white wedding with all the trimmings. In every relationship I went into in my life, I hoped it would work out and it would be “the one” but I chose “the wrong one” every time, and I am very grateful that none of them ever ended in marriage. I mentioned that I had 4-5 years of being single once I became a Christian, and during this time I spent a lot of time praying and asking God if marriage would be part of my plan. I longed for it and now had a greater understanding of what God’s marriage looked like and it made me want it even more. During that time of singleness, I tried to work on myself as a potential future wife for my potential future husband as I knew I wasn’t Mrs. Perfect and I also knew I wasn’t going to meet Mr. Perfect. I wrote a blog about that too if you are interested in reading it Mr & Mrs Perfect – NOT! I have now been married to my wonderful husband Marvin since October 2019 and let me tell you, marriage is not a place to hide! As wonderful as it is, it is also incredibly challenging and shines a light on all the places you really don’t want a light shone but I can’t tell you how content I am knowing my husband loves Jesus just as much as I do, and ensures He is kept at the centre of our marriage.

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

Ephesians 5:25

11. Stability

Marriage leads me nicely to stability. Something else I had longed for all my life. My childhood wasn’t really that stable, there was lots of moving around, I went to three different primary schools and things were very unpredictable. Once I left home, I wanted to break those cycles. It took me a while but these last 12 years I can hand on heart say that they are broken! Stability is something I now have and can give to my children. We have lived in the same house for 12 years which is outstanding compared to my childhood where we estimated I had lived in over 50 places, including living in a van and staying with family friends when we were homeless. I have been in the same job since April 2018, which is also the same month I officially moved to the church I am currently at. And of course, I have been with the same man since the end of 2017. Little secret, I had this desire where I wanted to be a Sunday Dinner family. It sounds so simple and something that takes place in so many homes around the world but that was one of the things I wanted in my life. To sit down every Sunday with my family and eat together, and I have it which just fills my heart with gratitude. my life is now built on the firm foundation that is Jesus who is the same yesterday and today and forever (Hebrews 13:8).

Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock.

Matthew 7:24-25

12. Peace

When we think of peace, we usually think of peace and quiet. But the peace that is described in the bible is more about being complete or whole, having overall health and good wellbeing. I have been through some trials in my life, and these trials did not end when I became a Christian I am afraid. These last few years my trials have been off the chart, if you have been following my blogs or my journey on social media you will know what I mean. But throughout all of this, I have a peace. A sense of strength deep down, an assurity that no matter what happens “it is well with my soul”. It can be hard to explain but there is a stillness at times when I would have lost it previously. It is something I have never experienced before and I would never, ever trade it, not for anything in the world. Jesus is described as the Prince of Peace. Whenever I feel worried or anxious, which can be often, I pray, I read my bible. I speak Jesus’ promises out loud, over my mind and my situations, and a peace which surpasses all understanding washes over me.

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.

John 16:33

If any of the 12 I have discussed resonate with you, let me know. Maybe they are similar to things you have experienced on your faith journey. If you are not on a faith journey and would like to experience things like this in your life, reach out to me. I would love to pray for you.

These last 12 years have been very special, I have come to a full understanding of who I am and my purpose in this world. It has been a liberating and freeing process which continues as I grow daily.

I hope this has encouraged you to press into God more. For now, I am off to celebrate my birthday.

Amber x