These last few weeks have felt hard, I don’t shy away from sharing that, I think knowing the surgery is coming & a few other life situations have just hit us hard.

It’s hard but it’s also lonely. We were created for community & when you are alone, isolated, you become vulnerable.

This last week my neighbour has pruned trees & plants in his garden but what it’s done is removed much of the foliage that provided us with some privacy. That side of our garden feels exposed, vulnerable & that’s how I’ve been feeling. Like God has been pruning my life, things that used to be important, people, relationships & it leaves you feeling bare, exposed, vulnerable.

Trauma & grief changes you, I’m not the same but it also changes relationships. That saying is true, you really do find out who is there for you in difficult times & it’s been incredibly hard to find out who is & who isn’t there anymore.

Those you thought were friends, are no longer there. The invitations stop coming, it becomes quiet, lonely, it knocks your confidence & it makes you withdraw even more. Maybe it’s all part of the pruning process.

I’ve always been a confident, sociable person but that’s changed. Protecting our baby comes first but it seems “out of sight, out of mind”, people forget about you.

My texts & calls to you get less because some days I dont even want to get out of bed, I feel numb, quiet. I’m trying to navigate this path that I’ve never been on before while my confidence is on the floor. This experience isn’t something we exaggerate, it really is a life threatening situation for our baby. But it is that for us too.

Most of our prayer requests are for our baby, but My God we need it too. We need lifting up, that encouraging word, that scripture God laid on your heart, that text.

Life is hard for so many of us in general, just the cost of living is a strain but for us, this overwhelms everything else.

We know everyone has stuff going on, stuff to deal with. It’s not a pity post or feel sorry for us post, sometimes you just have to get things off your chest, write them down. I’m not afraid to keep it real. It’s therapeutic & others may be going through the same.

Some just want you to be positive & accepting all the time, but then will be the ones who say “why didn’t you tell us how you were feeling?”. It’s ok to not be ok but some just prefer you did that in private. Sorry about that

As I said “out of sight, out of mind”, but we are still here, going through it. You may think we are ok & we are strong. Believe me, we are strong but most days we are far from ok, and recently its been a real struggle to get through some days. And that’s both of us.

It’s only by the grace of God that we are still going.